Here is a challenge for you… stand up, lift one leg out in front of you and balance on the other leg. How long can you hold your balance? Ten seconds? Maybe a minute or even five minutes?
You could be one of those rare people that can hold it for hours, but eventually you will wobble and fall.
Balance is something that I believe is unattainable in its truest form. The expectation that we can balance every aspect of our lives sets us up for self-doubt and frustration. Yet everyone seems to be seeking “balance” in their lives, right?
This misconception about balance is that you are supposed to give each part of your life equal attention and energy. Unless you are an undercover superhero, it’s probably not possible.
There are times in people’s lives where their family needs them more due to illness or other factors. There are times when work is busy and important projects need your full attention. Balancing family, school, and work (among other things) can feel impossible. You may wish you could clone yourself so that you can give all aspects of your life the proper attention.
Being overwhelmed is common these days and can make us feel that our lives are out of control.
Getting control back and choosing our intentions is not as easy as it sounds and requires deliberate focus. Be kind to yourself, we all get derailed and are doing the best we can. It’s not easy.
Start by recognizing that you are not alone and that progress over perfection should be the goal.
Seeking balance in all aspects of your life is like chasing a mythical unicorn. Life is fluid, there are times when our priorities shift or we get pulled strongly in one direction. The idea that we need to be balanced all the time is most likely causing too much unnecessary stress.
Let’s drop the balancing act and instead work on focus. Where are you sending your energy? Where do you want to focus your time and energy that will give you joy and grow the relationships you want to grow?
Start practicing focus throughout your day.
When you are talking with your kids, put away your phone or close your work laptop. If you are driving in the car, focus on driving and look and see what’s around you. Picture your mind as a muscle that you must strengthen. Building the muscle of “focus” will help you gradually get more out of each important area of your life.
Think about it, if just focused on one thing in your life, then you would eventually become an expert at it. Let’s take work as an example. If you put all your time and energy into work, then most likely you would get promoted and it would pay off in a rewarding career. Let’s say you also have a family, how can you be a super parent and partner? Would you have to move all your friends and hobbies to the back burner?
Instead of seeking balance, it helps to get some perspective about where you’re getting a return on your energy. Ask yourself, where does my time disappear, and I get nothing in return? Distractions are all over the place. That urgent work email, or a text from a friend, or a million other interruptions.
Some of the people in our lives demand our energy but are not our priorities. We should all want to feel passionate about something in our lives, it can be your job, your family, or a hobby. We all deserve this!
What we should ask ourselves is, “what and where are our priorities?” Is your priority work? Family? Your social life? Maybe they are all important to you! The fact is we must choose everyday where to focus our energy and time.
Do you make a conscious choice where you want to focus? Is there an area of your life that needs the most attention right now? For example, if you have job that gets busier during a certain time of year, recognize that other priorities may shift temporarily.
Our time is limited, we are imperfect people, but we do have a choice every day. I challenge you to make the choice that is best for you. To make the choice that makes your heart sing. Say yes to the things, you really want to say yes to, and say no to the things that will distract your energy to something you do not want to focus on. What do you have the power to change? If you can’t change it, can you change the way you look at it?
Here are three ways you can focus your energy. Remember, don’t chase the mythical unicorn. Get comfortable being off balance. This will be different for everyone and it’s okay to give yourself the space to fail and try again.
- Slow down to speed up – Take a time out to think about your priorities, write them out, and rank them each week and month, because things in life shift. Practice focus, so that you can be in control of your day. Give each priority your full attention. Focus is not an easy task but with practice you will get better. Build that “focus” muscle! Take some time to really think about where you want to spend your energy.
Make a list of all the areas in your life that are important to you. Start with the most important and go down from there in order of importance. Be vocal about your intentions at home and at work so that you establish expectations to those around you.
If you let your boss know that you will not be answering emails after a certain time, then you will set yourself up to be more focused during the time you are at work. If you are working on a project at home for a certain amount of time, tell your family when you will be done so that you can give them your full attention.
- Schedule regular dates with partners, family and friends – Organization is key! You often must write it down to make it happen. Play around with your schedule, think about which areas of your life need more or less attention and when you can best focus on each. Maybe you would like to be more present for your kids or spouse. Set aside 30 minutes to put away any distractions (phones, work emails) and plan an activity where you are truly present.
- Recognize quality over quantity – When you do have time with loved ones, really be there. It’s hard to ignore the guilt, as a parent when you must work long hours. However, it does help if you have distraction-free quality time with the people that are important to you. Technology often rules our lives, but we have the control to change the habit of using our phones while being with others. This is not helping grow our relationships, so if you can set aside time to be phone free while with your family in the evening it will make a difference.
Finally, don’t forget to be kind to yourself! Patterns are hard to change and things that are worth working for take time and effort! If you going to perform your best balancing act, remember if you wobble and fall, it’s just part of the process. Things are rarely in perfect balance, new tricks are hard to master, and sometimes you just need both feet on the ground.
Check us out at www.turningstonecounseling.com for more information.
