How to make marriage work
In the months and years after the pandemic experience, relationships have been suffering. Let’s face it, marriage is tough and making a marriage work is hard!
For many of us, we aren’t sure how to make it better and feel like we’ve tried everything but nothing seems to help. Frustration sets in, and causes us to feel as though we’ve failed. Maybe you’re tired, burnt out, confused and starting to feel hopeless.
At Turning Stone Counseling we always say you don’t have to struggle alone; there is support. That statement includes married couples as well! Although there are two of you, it can be a very isolating experience when situations start to become difficult.
Marriage is not easy. It takes two people who are determined to make it work and are fully committed to the relationship. To help guide couples, Dr. John Gottman created the Seven Principles of Making Marriage Work. These principles include trust, commitment, acceptance, respect, compromise, support and optimism.
Trust is the foundation of any successful marriage. Both partners need to be honest with each other and be willing to keep confidence to make marriage work. They must also be able to rely on each other in difficult times and know that their partner will support them. His work is beneficial for those having a tough time in their marriage, and those looking to avoid difficulties in the future.
Here are 3 key marriage solutions that you will learn after completing our workshop:
- How to know the difference between a perpetual problem that can be changed, and one that cannot.
A great example of a problem without an easy solution would be a partner having ADHD and constantly forgetting to put keys by the door. This may be frustrating for the non-ADHD partner, but they will be able to understand why it keeps happening. There may be something that can be done to remedy this problem, but the ADHD is not something that can be changed.
A problem that may have a solution and could be changed would be the burden of chores within the relationship. How can both partners make a chore routine that will work well for their individual needs? A solution and change is possible.
- Better ways to communicate with each other.
One of the ways that we work with communication is using the “I feel” statements. It’s easy when we are frustrated with each other to place blame. Taking the blame ourselves and explaining why it makes us feel a certain way, is a helpful way to allow the other person to easily step into our shoes and see our perspective. Remember, everyone is seeing the world from their unique and individual perspectives.
- Learning ways to diffuse a tough situation.
By utilizing the four horseman from Gottman, or rather the four conversation styles, a couple will be able to understand the communication aspects and know what will trigger their partner so that they can make sure to avoid that style of communication. It will also teach each partner about why they respond the way that they do, and how to reframe the situation or redirect the discussion.
If this sounds like a workshop that would help to improve your relationship or to set your relationship on the right foundation for the future, we would love to have you at our next workshop in April. Sign up here to reserve your place in the class!